Becoming Who You Are Becoming vs. Unbecoming What You Are Not: Two Paths to Authenticity

In a world that often tells us to seek, chase, or build something new, there’s a subtle, often overlooked path, unbecoming. To become who you are truly meant to be, you must also let go of who you are not. Becoming and unbecoming seem like opposites, yet they complement each other beautifully, much like shedding layers to reveal a masterpiece hidden beneath.

At first, the idea of “becoming who I am becoming” felt like it had a hint of “not enoughness,” as though I needed to be more. But over time, I began to see it differently. This becoming is not about adding something or reaching outside of myself. Instead, it’s about bringing out what is already there, buried beneath layers of conditioning, self-doubt, and stories picked up over the years.

The Paradox of Becoming

What does it mean to become who we are becoming without striving or planning, but simply by being? It feels like an invitation to live fully in each moment, to be the person we envision right now. To me, this process taps into a reality that already exists; it’s as though the version of myself I can feel inside is living somewhere, waiting for me to step into alignment with it.

Déjà vu has always felt like a reminder of this—a moment I’ve already lived. Could it be that I’ve already been here in some way, that I’ve already become what I am meant to be? This glimpse brings me closer to a sense of fulfillment, hinting that I only need to release what no longer serves me.

Unbecoming: Letting Go of What’s Not You

As I let go of old habits, roles, identities, and ways of being that no longer fit, I am essentially stepping into the version of myself that has always been there. Each layer I shed reveals more of my authentic self, making room for qualities that have been hidden. This process feels simple yet mysterious, magical yet grounded.

How Do We Embody Our Becoming?

If unbecoming and becoming are two sides of the same journey, how can we live it out practically? For me three practices come to my awareness:

1. Embrace and Honor the Path that Brought You Here
   True growth begins with deep acceptance and appreciation for where you are right now. Each step, every experience, whether a triumph or a challenge has prepared you for this moment of readiness. This moment holds the potential for new choices, expansion, and creation. By honoring your unique journey, you empower yourself to step forward with clarity and purpose, fully open to the possibilities unfolding before you. This is where I am now, what do I want to do about it? This question can become your guide, inviting you to shape your next steps with intention and intuition.

2. Be Present in Each Moment
   Being present is a powerful act. In every situation, ask yourself: How would I show up right now if I were fully embodying my potential self that which I am intentionally cultivating - harvesting? This might look like responding calmly in a challenging conversation, dressing in a way that feels authentic, or simply connecting to your body. Each moment becomes an opportunity to shift into the reality of your authentic self.

3. Foster Connection and Curiosity
   Resonance is a sign that you’re in flow with your true self. Notice when you feel a sense of connection, excitement, or ease. When you choose to follow these feelings with curiosity, you’re saying yes to your becoming. For example, if a new idea excites you, explore it; let it guide you to deeper aspects of yourself. Explore what is there.

4. Consciously Direct Your Energy
   Take stock of where your energy is going. Who are you spending time with? What are you saying yes to? Reflect on whether these things help you expand or drain you. Unbecoming is about clearing out anything that dims your light, so you can step fully into what feels expansive and energizing.

A Reflective Writing Prompt: What Wants to Emerge Right Now?

To explore this further, take a few minutes in a quiet space for automatic writing. Start with this question:

What wants to emerge in my life right now, and how am I unbecoming all that doesn’t serve that becoming?

Allow yourself to write freely, without judgment, and notice if some truths begin to surface. If you’re seeking deeper clarity, I invite you to explore this with me in my 3-month container, Igniting Intuition through Simple Shifts. Together, we can uncover the powerful shifts waiting to emerge for you and through you on this journey from unbecoming to becoming!