Where Are You Saying Yes When You Mean No?
Have you ever found yourself saying yes to something, even when every fiber of your being wanted to say no? Maybe it felt easier in the moment to agree rather than risk disappointing someone. Or perhaps you’ve been conditioned to believe that saying no is selfish or unacceptable.
Over time, these yeses that aren’t truly aligned with your values and energy can lead to exhaustion, frustration, and even resentment. It’s a slippery slope, one where overextending yourself becomes the norm, and you might start feeling like a victim of your own choices.
I remember the first time someone told me I could say no. I was 22 years old, living in Berlin, Germany. A new friend invited me somewhere, and he saw my hesitation. He looked me in the eyes and said, “You know you can say no, right?” That simple statement hit me like a ton of bricks. I’d never heard anyone say that before. Isn’t that wild? I’d spent years being a yes-person, saying yes to things I didn’t want to do because I thought it was expected of me.
After that moment, I swung the other way and started saying no to everything. It was liberating for a time, a way to reclaim my agency. But then I noticed something else: I was also saying no when I really meant yes. This practice of tuning into my true yes and no has been a work in progress for over a decade. And honestly? It’s still something I’m learning to master. Every season of life offers a new opportunity for this practice.
The Energy Leak of Misaligned Yeses
Saying yes when you mean no isn’t just an inconvenience; it’s an energy leak. It’s a subtle but significant way we deplete ourselves and create mis-alignment in our life. When you ignore your own needs, you risk falling into patterns of overextension and even blame, blame for others not meeting expectations you’ve projected onto them because you didn’t honor your own boundaries.
Here’s the thing: every time you agree to something that feels like a no, you’re saying no to something else—often something that matters deeply to you. Maybe it’s rest. Maybe it’s family time. Maybe it’s a commitment to yourself. When you ignore your own inner compass, the result is often frustration, disappointment, or even anger.
Observing Your Yes and No
So here’s your invitation: start paying attention to your yeses and your nos. Are they full-body yeses? Are they coming from a place of alignment and truth? Or are they driven by fear, obligation, or a desire to be liked, valued, or approved of?
Take a moment to reflect:
Are you saying yes to avoid disappointing someone?
Are you saying no out of fear or habit rather than intuition?
What beliefs or thoughts are tied to your choices? (For example, “I need to do this to be liked” or “I’ll feel guilty if I don’t.”)
Seasons of Yes and No
It’s also worth noting that your yeses and nos will shift with the seasons of your life. Right now, for example, I prioritize early bedtimes, limited outings, and fewer commitments because that’s what feels nourishing for me and my family. This doesn’t mean I’ll always say no to late nights or packed schedules, just that, for this season, my boundaries reflect my current values and needs.
For you, this might look like declining extra projects at work, setting limits on social obligations, or saying no to things that interrupt your personal growth or rest. Or maybe this is a season of yes, where you’re open to new opportunities and connections. The key is to tune in to what feels right for you now.
Practical Tips to Honor Your True Yes and No
Pause Before Responding: When someone asks something of you, take a moment to check in with yourself. Does it feel like a yes or a no? Give yourself permission to pause before committing.
Practice Saying No: If saying no feels hard, start small. Practice with low-stakes situations and notice how it feels to honor your boundaries.
Reassess Your Priorities: What matters most to you in this season of your life? Use this as a guide to determine where your yeses and nos belong.
Get Curious About Your Patterns: Explore why you might be saying yes when you mean no. Are you seeking approval? Avoiding confrontation? Identifying the root can help you shift the pattern.
Remember It’s a Practice: You won’t always get it right, and that’s okay. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s alignment.
An Invitation to Shift
Where are you saying yes when you mean no? Where are you saying no when you mean yes? And what might change if you aligned your choices with your truth? This is a lifelong dance, but it’s one that becomes more intuitive the more you practice.
If you’re ready to explore this deeper and find your true yes and no in this season of your life, guided by your intuition, let’s shift together. Learn more about working with me.